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Sartle Closes the Thigh Gap: 11 famous paintings that are having none of this “thigh gap” business

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Of course she has a thigh gap, her feet and knees aren’t even touching. 

Welsh model/reality TV star Imogen Thomas sparked a Twitter war over her controversial #Thighgap, prompting rebuttals ranging from the predictable #thighstouch, to a photo trend of Miss America finalists circa 1945.  We at Sartle would like to do our part for a healthy body image by fleshing out (pun very much intended) an area that puts the “Rubens” in Rubenesque: Art History.  Check out these killer bodies of various shapes and sizes, from slim to sumptuous, all with one thing in common … you couldn’t play a game of darts between any of their thighs.

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Woman of Willendorf at the Museum of Natural History Vienna

The Woman of Willendorf can’t be bothered with a thigh gap.  She’s too busy keeping saber-toothed tigers from eating her babies.  Motherhood in the Stone Age can be a real drag … especially if you don’t have eyes.

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The Birth of Venus by Sandro Botticelli at the Uffizi Gallery

Venus, Art History’s #1 fleshy-thighed gal, is clearly too busy being fabulous to pay any heed to thigh gaps.

“I’m the goddess of beauty, suck on that!”

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Sleeping Venus by Eustache Le Sueur at the Legion of Honor

Here she is sleeping off a hangover after girls’ night on Mount Olympus:

“Why the hell won’t Vulcan stop hammering? Why the hell isn’t he watching cupid like he promised? Why the hell does Cosmo say there’s something wrong with my thighs?”

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The Three Graces by Antonio Canova at the Victoria and Albert Museum

The Three Graces are too engrossed in some girl-on-girl loving to care about thigh gaps.  If their thighs weren’t supposed to touch, then they wouldn’t be graces.

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The Nude Maja by Francisco Goya at the Prado National Museum

The Nude Maja has bigger problems on her mind:

“If you think you’ve got body issues, try being a hot naked chick with weird baseball boobs in the Spanish Inquisition.”

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The Blue Room by Suzanne Valadon at the Georges Pompidou Center

Homegirl does not care:

Mom: “Why don’t you try getting out of bed and going to the gym for once?”

Girl: “I don’t know, Mom.  Why don’t you try not being such a pain in the ass?”

(Blows cigarette smoke in mom’s face)

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Sleeping Hermaphrodite at the Louvre

The sleeping hermaphrodite says:

“I’d like to give a shit about my inner thighs, I really would … but right now I’m rather more concerned about the penis.”

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Diana and Actaeon by Francesco Albani at the Old Masters Picture Gallery

Actaeon tells Diana and her ladies they have fat thighs.  Diana turns him into a stag and sics her dogs on him.

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Moral of the story…don’t mess with Diana.

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The Four Elements: Fire, Water and Earth, Air by Adolf Ziegler

See, even Hitler liked a girl with a healthy appetite … ok, maybe not the best recommendation … scratch that.

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Self Portrait by Alice Neel at the Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery

Uh-oh!  Alice Neel rented Calendar Girls again, and took the message way too literally.  But in all seriousness, for a woman in her ‘80s, she’s rocking those filled-out thighs and that natural body … you go girl!

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Death of the Strong Wicked Man by William Blake at the Portland Art Museum

Who says body image has to be a woman’s issue?  This guy subscribes to none of this Harry Styles, skinny-jeans nonsense.  He proudly displays thighs that could crack a walnut:

“I have no time for your ‘thigh gap’ bullshit.  In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m busy … being DEAD!”

By: Griff Stecyk

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Griff Stecyk

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