Valentine’s Day can be a polarizing holiday. Romantic folk, like my roommate Carolyn, no doubt look forward to expressing mushy sentiments with store bought cards, overpaying for an entrée at the trendiest new restaurant, and browsing the ‘true love’ art topic on Sartle. This list is not for them. Hear ye, hear ye all cynics and single people who dread the heart balloons and teddy bears, and cringe at public displays of affection! These works of art remind us that matters of the heart are not the sole preserve of Hallmark:
Imagen De Yagul by Ana Mendieta. This image perfectly captures how it feels to be single on February 14th: buried under the emotional weight of flower bouquets bought by the lovesick and delusional. Just ask artist Ana Mendieta what the throes of passion will get you. Well you can’t. She was pushed out of a 34th story window by her artist husband. Falling in love never seemed so overrated.
Jupiter in the Guise of Diana and the Nymph Callisto by Francois Boucher. Perhaps some of you enjoying this anti-Valentine’s rant have trust issues. Good for you! People are liars. Check out this painting of the god Jupiter pretending to be Callisto’s BFF Diana. The creep spoons her and then changes back into himself to knock her up. Shifty dudes who’ll say anything to get in your pants and unplanned pregnancies? Noooo thank you.
Georgia O’Keeffe - Torso by Alfred Stieglitz. In this, the age of Snapchat and amateur porn sites, surely some V-day revelers, tipsy on red wine and sweet nothings will give their partner the most romantic gift of all: the XXX pic. I’m sure I don’t have to point to any specific celebrity scandal to tell you that this is a bad idea. Your boobs will end up on the internet. Now maybe if we all looked like Georgia O’Keeffe in this shot, we’d upload them ourselves. But Stieglitz took nudies of O’Keeffe when she was older too and vindictively put them up next to prints of his much younger, tauter girlfriend at a huge gallery show. So remember this Sartle tale of caution before you whip it out for your webcam.
The Two Fridas by Frida Kahlo. Even if you’re having fun now, remember that your relationship will probably end in heartbreak and remorse! Frida felt like she was literally ripped in two by her divorce from Diego Rivera. Sure, they remarried, but both continued to cheat. Why even bother?