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Think Before You Ink: Saturn Devouring His Son (Goya)

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Welcome to Think Before You Ink, a series where we show the worst of the worst when it comes to tattoos based off of famous works of art. We’re here to remind you that art is to be created, not replicated – especially if it will forever be on your body.This week we have Saturn Devouring His Son by Francisco Goya, housed at the Prado National Museum in Madrid, Spain.

Legend has it that Goya’s first draft to this dining room centerpiece included Saturn’s giant boner #homedecorgoals, which was painted over when his heirs tried to sell the painting in the decades after the artist’s death. It’s unlikely he thought anyone would ever see Saturn, let alone put it on their body. It’s a work of madness, of desperation, of taking the blood of your innocent victims and making lemonade. And there’s nothing that’s ever happened in anyone’s life to justify this as a tattoo. Examples below.

First up, we have emo-you-just-don’t-understand-mom Saturn.

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It’s like this jabroni walked in the tattoo parlor and said, “I hate my arm. I hate my life. I hate American society in general. Give me a tattoo that makes everyone know how I feel.” It’s like an ISIS propaganda video against America. This is how we use our freedom, apparently.

Rating: 1/5 people keep art where it belongs: in the hands of artists.

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At a certain point you have to blame the tattoo industry for lacking standards.

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Jesus Christ, is that infected? There’s a staph infection halo around Saturn’s 80s metal hairdo. Maybe it’s always infected and doctors have just given up on treating him. Hoping it’ll finish him off already.This albino idiot had one job to do, and he failed the moment he waltzed in the parlour asking for a motorized pen to vomit this abomination across his shoulder.

Rating: 1/5 “properly cleaned” tattoo needles are actually cleaned.

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There’s something about looking through the Internet for tattoos of cannibalism that really takes away your appetite.

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“I want Saturn’s kid to look like a bleeding dick and balls… just as much as possible,” said the person who desecrated their body with this abomination.

I mean, to a point, all of these tattoos have Saturn gnawing on something between a ketchuped hot dog and a bleeding dick, but this one really swung for the fences on bleeding dick.

Rating: 1/5 tattoos just get stronger if you try laser removal.

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Every individual that chooses to get this image injected underneath their skin is in the middle of an emotional breakdown…

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…As exemplified by this potato person version of Saturn. Nice glutes, though.

So far, the only reason I can come up with for this trend existing is that everyone got together for a forum called How Do We Cry Out for Help in a Way that Makes No One Care? Some parliamentary flaw must have allowed Saturn Devouring His Son tattoos to narrowly beat cataloguing YouTube cat videos.

Rating: 2/5 glutes (can’t be a hardass about everything).

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That’s it for this week, and remember: Leave the masterpieces to the masters!

By: Clayton Schuster

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Clayton Schuster

Sr. Contributor

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