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Portrait of Captain Thomas Lee
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ajardini's picture

Sr. Editor

Finally, an homage to the freedoms of pantslessness! Captain Thomas Lee implores us to shed our denim shackles and enjoy a cool breeze on our bum, the way the good Lord intended!

Even Homer Simpson understood pants for what they are: a sartorial prison! Lee seems to be saying, “Pants? Honey, please. With gams like these, I’d be crazy to cover them up.” Though if we’re being completely honest, his muscly thighs might look better with a spray tan.  But since that’s the precise shade of white every San Franciscan is sporting underneath their jeans, I remain in solidarity with his choice to rock the mini-tunic and naught else.

Between the perfectly manicured point of his goatee, the lovely embroidery that brings out those steely blues, and a vest that screams mariachi meets 16th century Sgt. Pepper chic, fashion diva Lee is serving up pure, unadulterated, no-pants realness for your viewing pleasure.

As you might imagine of someone sporting such a bold look, Lee was a bit of a trouble maker.  Accused of highway robbery and cattle theft, his career as a Captain seems to have consisted primarily of a series of misadventures, and he was eventually put to death for a plot to hold the queen hostage. Say what you will about rogue Captain Thomas Lee, but you cannot deny that whatever he lacked in military intelligence and luck…he also lacked in pants.