Peter Paul Rubens

Rich diplomat/artist, loved fleshy girls, married a 16 year old when he was 53
Jennifer Tucker


Intelligent, diplomatic, and attractive are all worlds we could use to describe Peter Paul Rubens.

Sure, some people like to knock him for his proclivity towards little girls, but at the end of the day Rubens was still a master of intellect and paint. (And a pedo.)

Rubens was a classically educated Renaissance humanist scholar, which basically means he knew a whole lot about grammar, history, poetry, philosophy, and the list go goes on for days. Basically, Rubens was a raging intellectual who just happened to be known for his stunning portraits and mythological paintings.

Perhaps something besides his intellect was raging when he made the decision to take a 16-year-old girl for his wife. Oh wait; did I mention he was a spry lad of 53 at the time? Feel free to cringe, we all are. I guess statutory rape laws weren't quite up to snuff in 17th century. In all fairness though, the average life expectancy in Europe in the 1600’s was 35 so maybe Rubens was just trying to secure himself some solid years of happy matrimony before one of them dropped dead from some obscure disease. Hip hip hooray for living in the age of modern medicine!

Rubens spent his early years blissfully working in Italy until he heard that his mother had fallen ill in 1608, at which point he decided to move to Antwerp, Belgium, to be with his mother before her passing. Sadly, he didn’t make it in time and Rubens found himself back in his native land with not even a mother’s love. Poor Rubens decided to make the best of it though, and opened a studio in which to work and train the newer generations of artists, such as Anthony van Dyck.

He created 1,403 pieces in his life, many of which were of his favorite subject, thick fleshy women! Rubens once said, “I paint a woman's big rounded buttocks so that I want to reach out and stroke the dimpled flesh.” So besides being a manther, Rubens was also a chubby chaser. Perhaps the kings of Spain and England decided to overlook his personal fetishes when they decided to knight him.

In 1640, Rubens died of heart failure, which was the result of chronic gout. Yes, chronic toe arthritis brought on the death of one of the greatest Flemish Baroque painters. See what I mean about the joys of modern medicine?

Peter Paul Rubens is mentioned on Sartle Blog -