Looking for the worlds oldest dick pic? Look no further! Here it is, the first ever erection visualized via an artistic medium, in this case a teeny carved tablet also known as a “seal”. These seals hail from the Indus Valley Civilization, i.e. one of the oldest civilizations in the world, located in present-day Pakistan.

It’s a bizarre little engraving on this here tablet, and if you’re able to peel your eyes away from the central boner, you’ll notice some other funny features on this guy. Check out his horned headdress (probably indicating that he is a bona fide medical man plus warlock of the ancient day) and his Dr. Seuss-y hands.

Aside from showing the first ever tumescent trouser snake, this is also the likely ancestor of unwashed folks who like to sit in candlelit rooms and chant “Om." Historians agree that the practice of yoga can be traced back to this ancient civilization mainly because of this guy. Let’s call him Stiff Stan for fun.

Stan is also surrounded by animals like the elephant, tiger, bull and rhinoceros and the whole piece is topped off with some indecipherable script that probably reads: “Warning! This erection may last up to 8 hours if breath is controlled.” Kind of like an early Viagra advert for hippies.  Stan is totally selling the power of meditative practice because he just doesn’t seem to care about the crouching tiger. Or the pants pusher for that matter. Om…g.